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Coaching to Connect

How to Fix a Relationship that's Struggling

3/14/2018

 
Creating meaningful conversations is a key to happiness in any relationship. This post will borrow from the insights of Judith Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence. Judith's work focuses on building strong work relationships through improved conversations, but her work is transferable to all relationships. Continue on to see how these tips can boost your romantic relationship too!
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Nutrition & Relationships... There's A Connection!

3/3/2018

 
Your relationship with food is an important one. Is yours a love-hate relationship? Do you love food but hate what it does to you? Simple changes in your nutritional habits can go a long way in adding to your overall health and well-being. It can even improve your friendships and your love life! This article will give you 8 practical steps to a healthy nutritional shift and will tease out your thinking about how to shift your relationships with your diet! And there are 5 great smoothie recipes included!
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A Simple Project Management Tool

12/8/2015

 
This is a simple way to keep multi-layered projects from getting away from you. It is designed to assist you with tracking all the fine details of complex projects. I developed the video for a ministry training organization that invited me to do some writing and training for them, but it is easily transferable to any kind of work.
More on Organization Resources

Connection is the Opposite of Addiction

10/6/2015

 
Coaching to Connect was founded upon the conviction that healthy relationships are the source of healing and thriving in life, and now a bunch of rats have shown us the this is truer than we had thought. In a study of heroine addiction, rats were given the choice of water and water that was laced with heroine. Left in isolation, they chose the heroine. But when the same rats were placed in a dynamic and healthy social environment, they ignored the heroine water.

It appears that people do basically the same thing. When they can't effectively connect with other human beings, they often resort to mind-altering drugs to compensate for the lack of connection. While sobriety practices are important for addicts, they won't keep an addict sober. Only intimate human connection can keep an addict sober for the long haul. Connection, not sobriety, is the opposite of addiction... and the opposite of so many other things that plague us as individuals and as a society. CLICK HERE to read more about the research.

Get connected...
Click Here for Connection Resources
Watch Johann Hari Discuss Addiction

7 Steps to Positive Change

8/31/2015

 
How will I change for the better today? Make this a daily question and your quest will set you free from whatever is holding you back from your life’s purpose.

But how can you know that you are changing for the better? Here’s a suggestion to consider:

Ask the people you live with, those who know you and love you, what you need to change about yourself in order to improve your life. I’ll bet they will have lots of suggestions. If you live alone, ask the people with whom you spend most of your time.

Push them until you get a really sincere answer, but be prepared to hear something that you are not expecting to hear.

After you’ve listened to those who know you and love you, follow these steps for change:

  1. Write down the changes YOU WANT TO MAKE. If you don’t really want the change, it probably won’t happen.
  2. Imagine how good your life will be when you make the change. Try to picture the "new you" at the end of the change process. This part of the process should give you positive energy and excitement to propel you forward.
  3. Break down the big change into smaller steps you will have to take to get to the "new you". What are you currently doing that has to stop? What are you not currently doing that has to start?
  4. Build the smaller steps into your daily routines. Change that sticks requires daily repetition.
  5. Develop a way to hold yourself accountable to your new daily routines, e.g. a sign on your fridge, a note on your bed stand, a reminder on your phone, a companion who will journey with you on this particular change path, etc.
  6. If something goes wrong or you fall off of your plan, forgive yourself and get back to it. Just because you bend a little… or even a lot, it doesn’t mean you have to break.
  7. Enjoy the ride and encourage yourself by celebrating small successes and rewarding yourself along the way! Treat yourself in some way every time you achieve a small part of your big goal. These treats are fuel for your journey. Your change engine won't run for long without them.

If you try to change and it doesn’t work, return to these steps and ask, “Which one did I not honor sufficiently?” Then proceed to make your adjustments, but don’t give up! You’ve got this!
Click Here for Information about Coaching Services

Can you design your happiness? Part 2

6/5/2015

 
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In the first part of this two-part blog, I introduced you to a life-design process that you can use to increase your overall happiness. Here's how you can take it a step further.

After you've identified the part of your life from the nine areas (career, finance, spirituality, fitness, family, friends, significant other, living space, recreation) then you can focus on the detail of one of these areas to build the right strategies that will lead to greater happiness. Here's an example...

Family: What parts of family life really matter to you right now? Here's a possible listing:
  • Relationship with spouse
  • Relationship with children
  • Relationship with in-laws
  • Household division of labor
  • Launching children
  • Balancing outside demands
  • Education of children
  • Together time
  • Pets
  • What else???
Now we've drilled down more deeply into one area of your life. Each of the items on the list above have the potential to represent a key piece of your vision for happiness related to family.
  • How can you clarify your vision in the areas that matter most to you?
  • What do you really want in the areas that are most important to you?
  • How can you close the gap between where you currently are and what you really want?
  • How will you build support from other family members to create forward movement towards your vision?
If you take the time to create a vision and design bold steps to move towards your vision, you will discover wonderful new perspectives not only on family life, but in all other areas of your life as well because all the areas are your areas and are connected. Going deeply into one area impacts your whole life.

Bold and decisive action is necessary to move you to greater happiness. It won't just magically happen. Don't wait for happiness to come to you. It's already under your nose. Take it!



CLICK HERE for information about Coaching Services

Can you design your happiness?

5/30/2015

 
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It has been said that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. This is as true for individuals and couples as it is for leaders. You can design and build your happiness by examining both the physical and spiritual parts of your life and making regular and simple adjustments in the areas of your choice. Here’s how it can be done:

1. Do a holistic (mind/body/spirit) assessment of your life satisfaction by examining the following areas:
  • Career
  • Finance
  • Spirituality/Religion
  • Fitness/Diet
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Significant Other
  • Living Space
  • Recreation

2. Focus on the one or two areas that jump off the page and say, “This part of your life needs some attention!”

3. Think deeply about your areas of change.
  • What is happening in this area of your life?
  • What would this area of your life look like ideally?
  • How will you move from where you are to where you want to be in that area?
  • What is blocking your movement?
  • How can you overcome your obstacles?
  • How will you find the support you need to make the changes you want?

4. Develop daily habits that move you in the direction you want to go.

5. Enjoy your emerging new life and repeat this process for each area.

This life design process is simple, but it’s not easy. A professional life coach is trained to patiently and deliberately walk this journey with you… to stand in your greatness even when you can’t see it… to hold you accountable to what you want most deeply. It’s time to begin the journey to your dreams.


You think you want this, but you really want that.

5/22/2015

 
Have you ever gone after something and captured it only to realize that it wasn’t really what you wanted in the first place? Maybe it was as simple as a food item on a menu or as weighty as a house purchase or even a career choice. We often make choices without checking in closely enough with our deepest desires for happiness and fulfillment.

How can we get better at going after what we really want out of life? Here are some key things to do if you want clarity about what you really want…

  1. Know what you need. Unmet needs drive you to do what you would not do if you were in a better frame of mind. Know your needs and get them met in reasonable ways.
  2. Know what you value. When you know and prioritize what is most important to you, you will know where to put your time and energy.
  3. Know your purpose. You are on the planet for a reason. You intuitively knew this as a child. Have you forgotten? Get in touch with your life purpose and align your choices with it.
  4. Set boundaries. Say no to anything that is not consistent with your values and your purpose. Say yes to what you most deeply want.

Life coaching can create the conversations that will bring clarity to what you really want. Get in touch with us for a free initial conversation about what you really want.

God & Billy love you just the way you are, but there's more...

5/14/2015

 
Billy Joel earned a Grammy for best song of the year when he wrote “Just the Way You Are” in 1977. In the lyrics he proclaims his undying love and begs his lover to never change. He wrote the song for his first wife, Elizabeth Weber. The relationship ended up in divorce. Hmmm, love without change doesn’t seem to be true love.

It has been said that God loves you just the way you are, AND that God loves you too much to let you stay that way. This is much closer to the reality of true love than the Billy Joel version. Loving a person the way he is AND expecting ongoing change in the relationship are not contradictions. Wise and caring couples do both. But how?

When couples develop a mutual agreement to share all of their thoughts, reflections, hopes, dreams, disappointments, and everything else in the context of deep respect and care, they both feel loved and honored in the moment and challenged in a hopeful way to keep growing. These couples have much satisfaction with their relationships while sustaining a peaceful excitement about the wonders they still have yet to discover. It’s like saying, “I love this relationship and I can’t wait for what’s next!”

Is this what you want more of in your relationship? I’d love to talk to you about that. Explore our coaching options for information about how you can get more of this built into your love relationship.

Are you making life more difficult than it has to be?

4/28/2015

 
Do you ever wonder if the things you've always believed are actually true? Here are some examples of beliefs you might want to question...
  • "If I make THAT mistake, I'm unforgivable."
  • "I can get things done, but I'll never be one of the greats."
  • "I just don't have the right look."
  • "If I don't do it, it won't get done."
  • "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
  • "My sister was the smart one. I just don't have that gift."
  • "I'll never be organized."
We absorb beliefs such as these early in life. They may even work well for us during childhood, but they are holding us back as adults. In coaching, we call them gremlins... the little voices that were given to us. They don't belong to us. There's a deeper voice within calling you to rise above these limiting beliefs and become the person you were born to be. Let's talk about how to silence the gremlins so that you can listen to and be guided by your true self.


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    Author:
    Jim Merhaut, M.S.Ed., P.C.C.

    Jim is the founder and director of Coaching to Connect. He has three decades of experience in organizational and relationship work including coaching, consulting, non-profit CEO, program director, project manager, teacher, author and more. Jim holds a Master of Science degree in Education from Duquesne University with an emphasis in Adult Formation.

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